It is not an easy job to be gretchen lam. Truth to be told. I am not a happy person, yes you heard me. I'm not, no matter how I tried, I just can't. You might see me laughing so loud that it feels like the world is mine. The truth is, it is all fake. I fake my feeling, i fake it all the time because it is easier that way. I won't make people worried about me, people won't see me sad, people will always remember me as a 'happy go luck girl'. I am a sinner, i have done so many bad thing that you couldn't imagine. I am not a good daughter, no matter how hard I tried. Since i was a little, i always tried to make my family happy, proud to have me as their daughter, but all i had done is just making their life even horrible. I did nothing that could make them proud and feel happy. All my life i only know how to make them sad. Do you really thought that i wanted all this to be happen? No! But it never turn out in my way. I am a disaster. Disaster for my own family. Dear mom and dad, you have no luck of having me as your daughter, i know that. I am sorry, right from my heart. I really mean it. Inspite of everything that had happened, i am happy for having such a wonderful family, that accept me the way I am, love me better ever since i was born. Thank you. Being a human isn't an easy job. There is time where I wish i am a bird, or a cat, or a flower, you have no worries in your life. All my life, i never really felt happy. I never have luck in whatsover thing that i do. Even when it come to my relationship status, it was so easy for them to find their happiness, to find the right guy. Being appreciated by someone that they care. But me? No i never have luck of own that feeling. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy. Maybe this is the way i should live my life. I feel like my life is the worst. What's the point of me still living ? All i know is just making people hate me, making them sad and hurt their feeling. I can never done anything right. I should not born to this world. My life would only bring disaster for somebody life. I am sad. I wish i have someone that I could talk to. What is even worst than facing all this alone ? Speaking about him, we were not been contacting each other for almost a week already. I should have know already, from the very begining, that all this would just hurt me, that we were just friends with benefit. I should not ask for more. I should not beg for his attention when i am not even an important person for him. Maybe this is the way it should be, he deserve someone that is better than me. Wish you well beh.